if you like me you must not know who I am
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
