And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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