I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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