So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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