Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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