"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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