Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
