Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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