I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
