and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
