if only i could text you this smell
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
