he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
