New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
