That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
