i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she looked like the before picture.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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