Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
