Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
