people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please don't give away my fajitas
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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