You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
