I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
