my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
