There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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