ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
