no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
