And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
3pm strippers are depressing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
