The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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