im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
