My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
