I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
