Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
