saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize