So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
