what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
