I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
