i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize