we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
