The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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