What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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