great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
