Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
