Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How's work?
Spinning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
