We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
