We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
