there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize