Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want nice things and good sex
Randomize
