sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
