All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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