I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
