I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
