I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
