i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
