We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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