Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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