I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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