What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize