Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
