I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
