She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
