I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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