This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize