Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
