"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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