Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
