Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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