your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
